to study or not to

it has come to a point where i have to switch off my phone just to get a peaceful day away from work. even the vibration irritates me. irresponsible of me i know, but i'm not the one who insisted we all take a compulsary 3-day leave. neither am i particularly pleased at being blamed for something not within my responsibility. i think i get that alot. RT seems only too eager to push the blame to anyone whenever something goes wrong, and it happens way too many times.

instances like this convince me i should just quit, find a easier job with no OT, and focus on studying, and i'm so very close to hitting that enroll button. i've been battling with this idea and it's been bothering me for days. what should i do?!?!

do i have the discipline to sit down and study on my own? can i cope with no physical lecturers/tutorials? can i cope with work and studies at the same time and not go insane? can i cope monetarily? what about employment after that? i'm hoping to get answers from the related schools, but what if they don't come back? =(

twilight saga is not helping. over-indulgence in the vampire world is making me forget about reality. sometimes i half-wished a vampire from steph's world would drop by and make me one of them.

at least i'll become beautiful.
at least i don't have to work anymore.
at least i'll have reason to migrate.
at least i'll have more time on my hands.
at least i'll win at audition cos i'll be damn fast.

and a hell lot of other reasons. riiiggghhhtt. let's see how long it takes before RT drives me mad.

last day of my 3-day leave. dreading to go back to work on monday. i've been avoiding their calls for days now, and i'm sure a storm's gonna blow then. oh wells, 船到桥头自然直.

i really hope dinner can go smoothly next week. guess i kinda need a girly nights out. /loves.

(fine, ignore me then. i guess i know your answer now.)

did you know?

The color black has always been synonymous with death and mourning. It is thus the color of sadness and farewell. So, many people consider black roses to symbolize bereavement, loss and mortality. Since black represents death, many interpret the black rose to mean vengeance that may lead to the death of a foe. The negative connotations here are far reaching, and make the black rose the least sought after among roses.

But, a more positive meaning does exist for the black rose. It is true that black is the color of death. But death does not always cause mourning. It can also be the beginning of new things, a journey into unexplored territory. The black rose, because it symbolizes death and passing away, also indicates a major change or upheaval in the future.

In that sense, the black rose also means the death of old habits and the old order. It inspires confidence and enthusiasm by signaling the birth of a new era of hope and joy.

This flower, tragic in its dark beauty, is not always symbolic of unhappiness. The Irish have used the lyrics of "the Little Black rose" during their ongoing battle with the British. Similarly, many anarchist and antiauthoritarian groups have also adopted the black rose as a symbol of mutiny and strength. Therefore, the meaning of the black rose also includes courage and resistance.

zero weirdness??

every time i listen to kenny g, especially his forever in love, i get this weird indescribable feeling. neither sad nor happy. i wonder what it means.

finally finished eclipse last night. love the lovey dovey edward/bella interactions here. their love is so strong. sigh. i think i found my edward; just that this edward isn't in love with bella.