the emperor

"if you're everything to everyone, you'll be nothing to yourself."

just like the emperor [in tarot reading] - this is not the time to give in to the unconscious, not the time to let yourself be controlled by others' wants and needs. it is a card that gives permission to be aggressive, brave, bold and in command.

how often have our decisions been directly and/or indirectly influenced by others? why shouldn't we live for ourselves? why should we allow others to affect our moods, thoughts and feelings? why must we live the way others want us to be? when can we break free from these chains that prevent us from being where we wanna be and doing what we wanna do? *curious*

.---------.

it's the last day of november. tomorrow will be december. 2007 seems to have flown past so fast. maybe it's because i've been slacking away and rotting at home for majority of the year. )= life is meaningless. i need a job. yes you heard right. i NEED a damn job. everyone's warned me that it's gonna be very hard to look for a job at this time of the year. i didn't believe it. now i do. sighx.

sometimes i wish i could fly, spread my wings and soar away...

another random post

sometimes i wish i could live for myself instead of others. sometimes i feel like i'm just a puppet. i hate telling lies. i hate all these pressure, which by right i shouldn't have. sometimes i wish i can just get away from all these shit.

yingg ah, the show is maiden's vow rite? with charmaine and joe? nice meh? i just watched the first generation. then skipped to the last one, and keep fast forwarding. LOL. quite boring leh, only first part nice. =\ by the way, if u like charmaine, den should watch iron lady chef. movie lai de. bloody funny. lol.

should i pia for a job now, or wait till i get back from my trip (so that i don't have to take leave)? f4.

whenever i'm sad, i'll just look at my 'collection' of smiley faces and remember you as the reason why i started liking them years ago. =))

happy birthday!

and for 'someone' who hasn't seen it, here's from mee & ying. waste my cash. f4.

oh wells. happy birthday~! xD

tsk buses

i wonder why bus fares keep increasing but their cleanliness remains the same, or even worse, declines. was on my way to dear's this afternoon when i happen to spot this 'teenage' cockroach crawling right beside me! it took me a hell lot of effort not to scream. tsk.

oh wells. spent the whole afternoon at dear's watching shows. enchanted is nice! lols.

hais. wallet's getting thinner and i'm getting fatter. o heavens please drop me a job offer tml. =X

down to the last 3 episodes of {to grow with love}. if you haven't watched it, it's the series where myolie wu gained 20 pounds to play the role of fat tina.

right from the beginning, i kinda admired her desire and principles to search for someone who's able to read her mind. well, not really exactly read her mind. more like, someone who understands her and shares the same thinking with her. it's so much easier to communicate with someone like that, rather than trying to make someone who's on a different channel, understand you and your thinking. it's quite impossible. i realize that's where we've gone wrong. ah wells. =X

dad should never have opened that bottle of chivas. i'm drinking more and more. on rocks somemore! -.- bloody tempted to just down a few glasses straight and feel what it feels like to be drunk and wasted. i wonder if it's like what they say; can forget all your problems.

looking forward to meeting winny and sasa next week/month. both happen to be back from australia. *jealous* missed you gals! f3.

a video on animal cruelty :

was fuming mad while watching this video. there are actually sick people who enjoy watching entertainment like this? i think this is worse than gladiators in ancient rome. i hope that whoever-is-in-charge of hell does that to those 'cowboys' when they arrive there. or better still, hopefully, in the process of kicking, those horses can PAINFULLY castrate those fucking idiots. imagine a kick from the horse 'down there'. whoa! i'll feel bloody happy for those helpless animals. or if it's not possible, those horses should learn to stamp on them. breaking a leg or rib would be better than nothing.

here's another sick person : dog rape. i'm speechless. if you're that desperate, do it yourself or get a hooker. don't take it out on the poor thing. *pengz*

what is the world coming to? >_<

on a lighter note, are YOU as disciplined as them?

hope it brightened up your day the way it did to mine. cheers. 8D

[ lights @ esplanade ]

well well, haven't been blogging for a couple of days already. missing me anyone? LOL.

first things first. mee is jobless again. haiz. i rejected the sales job cos it required me to work to around 10pm everyday. parents aren't happy. so, bye bye. f4. i feel really bad. even though i've only been there a couple of times, i'm still gonna miss the fun & helpful people, aka jeremy, augustine, jackson, dennis, yl. gomenasai~!

was out for dinner. dad's birthday. happy birthday! hope he likes the watch i got him. ^^

[ birthday boy & the son ]

wanted to go pubbing, but by the time we finished, it was already 9pm. since there's work tml, dad says friday instead. oh wells. neverminds tho.

[ chivas on rocks ]

during dinner, we were discussing about the genting trip next month. i was reminded of the 'flower garden'. wonder how it would feel like to be there again. all of a sudden, i'm missing him. =X

was supposed to blog yesterday, but was damn tired after chionging maple.

went out to town in the afternoon with dear. shopped but couldn't find anything nice. and i still can't find my flats!! grrrrr. i guess i just have to wear heels tml. f4.

went esplanade for dinner, den went home. passed by harry's, was tempted. haiz.

alrights, nothing to blog liao. last thing before i maple again. after crunchyroll, along comes veoh! i find it better than crunchyroll, although you have to register as a member and download something called veohtv before you can view the videos. (veohtv sounds suspiciously similar to miotv. haha 职业病 liao.) but i find the videos there look better and clearer while on full screen, so yeah, i'll probably stick to veoh now. =D

damn i missed the sales training today. sadded. wasn't feeling very well. poor yl. kena 'abandoned' and left alone. lol. i've got no flats for monday!! f4.

oh wells. went retail therapy on maple. 20 million *poof*. lol. audi-ed instead.

[ broke personal record! ]


[ one million! ]


[ 14 hearts, got long ago ]

today's product training was relatively fine. very informative. maybe it's just me, but i haven't exactly encountered any company that works like them. everyone seemed to be on the same level. met quite a few people; very friendly and helpful. big boss jeremy and augustine even calls at night just to talk about my first day and stuff like that. i think they're paying more attention to me as compared to the other 3 newcomers cos i'm more quiet. haha. but anyways, another in-house training tml before i tag along outside next week. feeling very comprehensive, and kinda excited. oh wells.

tsk tsk. isn't it pathetic to have to pretend to be someone else? oh wells. running out of dramas to watch. intro?

mee is a happy gal today~

first, she finally got a job! and it sounds (hope so) interesting to her. wows first time working sounds interesting. lol. please pray for her that she's able to overcome herself and make lots of money so that pubbing and shopping can all be a dream come true. *prays*

second, she finally got westlife's new album. those voices are so amazing, she just fell in love with them again. =P they sang brandy's {have you ever} too. it's just her, but both that and {home} sounds so much nicer than original. gosh. listen to maaaaarrrrkkkk!! *shivers & goosebumps* she regrets not going for their concert last year. f4.

dunno why, but she feels like writing in 3rd person. =P

first thing, nice song to intro~~

down to the last 5 episodes of {on the first beat}. it was kinda boring at first, but i'm guess i'm kinda hooked on it now. hahas. warning! the rest of this post will be about the show. you can stop now if you're not interested. lol. lemme share this part.

madam yuen and cheung sir were a married couple, but they had divorced due to a misunderstanding. a couple years later, both of them found out about the misunderstanding, and since they loved one another and had been through so much, yuen decides to give cheung another chance at marriage. when cheung fails to turn up for the wedding, yuen was pissed and totally breaks it off with cheung. everyone was blaming yuen for being inconsiderate, giving her alot of pressure. but luckily cheung understands that he has made a mistake and there's no turning back.

it's just a show, but still, maybe it reflects reality. i don't understand how everyone can still pester yuen to accept cheung. why does everyone make cheung look like the victim? does anyone care about how yuen feels? she wasn't the one who made the mistake, and since the breakup is what she wants, why force them to be together?

when she confides in her friend kiu, she asks, "should i be more generous and give him a chance?" well, note the word, G-E-N-E-R-O-U-S. how sad. would cheung really be happy if yuen forces herself to be with him? would they be happy? if you ask me, cheung doesn't really deserve a second chance. the feeling's gone. what's the point of forcing? why can't those people understand this bloody point? why are everyone making yuen's life so miserable? i feel her anguish. really.

just waiting for the day i finally break down.

when i saw your sms this morning, i was glad. but when i read on further, it gave me a greater heartache than before. i guess you're right. it's sad that the crack in this piece of glass can never be mended. it's even sadder that i was the one who directly and indirectly caused this crack. i guess this piece of glass is of no use anymore. hope you're happy with all your other un-cracked glasses.

saw this video on youtube. you have to click here for it cos embedding was disabled. i suppose i'm a little outdated, but..a dog washing machine? like, what the fuck? dogs aren't objects you can just chuck into a washer when it's dirty. i think it's just peoples' way of accommodating their own laziness. draw the line between that and convenience. sure it saves time, but if you're in such a hurry, don't get a dog then.

imagine being the dog. you have to go through this bathing 'torture' every (other) week. and instead of having your owner, the one you trust with your life, beside you, touching you, reassuring you that everything's fine, you actually get dumped into a strange machine with your owner gleefully watching the show outside. well how very comforting!

ahh i dunno. i guess it's just me. xD

i saw that {how to be a good boyfriend} and {how to be a good girlfriend} essay thing. read the first part, din bother finishing. i find it kinda...amusing. what appeals to the writer as a good bf/gf, does not apply to everyone else. i don't know where this was taken from. if it was from a personal website or forum, and the writer was merely trying to share his/her personal views, then it's not so bad. if this was from an official website with the writer trying to act-smart and 'teach' people to follow his/her own set of thinking, then.. haha. why should i let myself be bothered about these kinda stuff anyway? crap.

had a nice talk with sasa today. sad to hear about them, but i'm glad she has the chance to move on. and thank god she understands me; understood what i've been going through. it's not that i don't want to; it's i'm unable to because of certain circumstances. hais. oh wells. but it's certainly heartwarming to know that someone cares even though she's so far away. aww i miss her. sasa faster come back~!! xD

my originally meaningless life is getting more and more un-meaningful. sometimes i really wish i could escape to somewhere else and avoid all these problems, problems which are worsening by the day. it's not that i don't want to solve it; i've tried. *shrugs*

everytime i'm reminded of them, i get all sad and emo. but what's done is done. we can't turn back time. things won't go back to before. there'll always be this awkwardness, or even pissed-off feeling, in the air. there are alot of things i've regretted doing, or regretted not doing. i've made mistakes, but i will try to learn from them. i don't wanna hold on to anything that's past tense. i want to move on. i want to.

"true friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable." sometimes, "you say it best, when you say nothing at all."

it's hard to find someone like that, but i believe one day i will. =))

bored.

new blogskin + new blogskin submitted: {falling in love}

i think it isn't that nice (lol), but i wanted to do a skin using noella choi's fireflies song. bleh. click here or here to download the codes straight.

oh wells. bored staying at home. XD

[ random screenshots ]

easily earned 100k+ den in the afternoon. i lubs raping npcs. LOL.

bored.

new blogskin + new blogskin submitted: {falling in love}

i think it isn't that nice (lol), but i wanted to do a skin using noella choi's fireflies song. bleh. click here or here to download the codes straight.

oh wells. bored staying at home. XD

[ random screenshots ]

easily earned 100k+ den in the afternoon. i lubs raping npcs. LOL.

a little bit.

i have this fish 'tank' at home. an extra large brandy glass with a few goldfish inside. i always fill it to a couple inches from the top. maximize amount of water available ma. dad said it was too much. (-_-''')

sometimes i feel like/for them. having no filter to clean the water is bad enough. being cooped up in that little space. compared to fishes out there, they can't do anything, can't go anywhere. what's wrong with giving them just that couple of centimeters more space and freedom? i perfectly understand why they've taken to swimming upside down. >.<

don't blame me. i wasn't the one who got them. neither was i the one who refused to give them a proper tank and filter. my heart kinda aches when i see them all with open gills, swimming in their own shit & pee. even though they're only fishes, they're still...living things eh? i wonder how people manage to go fishing. imagine the hook piercing through your mouth. tsk tsk. and guess what? my bro uses live goldfish as bait. hais.

i wanna go vegetarian/vegan. it's hard, but it's a start. i just wish i had supportive parents. =\

i need a pet.

was watching {the protectors} on animal planet this afternoon. 2 cops on horses patrolling the night streets of manhattan. it's cute how the cop called his horse a babe magnet. but seriously, i wish we have this in singapore. we are soooo un-animal friendly. tsk tsk.

mee wants a pet. f4. it doesn't help that my next door neighbor recently got a lovely golden retriever puppy. super kawaii~! ><

oh wells. i lubs crunchyroll. watched {steps} recently. finished all 20 episodes of it within 2 days. very nice show. go watch it if you're free. ^^ i'm starting to like bernice liu. haha. {steps} got me tempted to try latin & ballroom dancing. maybe i should hurry up and sign up for lessons before the temptation starts to fade.

lalala~ anyone watched {on the first beat} already? it's the sequel to {the academy}. i've just started watching it and i'm deciding whether or not to continue, cos it looks boring. hahas.

maple is monotonous. so is audi. i want shopping & pubbing. but i need a job first. i'm broke. hais.

i need a pet.

was watching {the protectors} on animal planet this afternoon. 2 cops on horses patrolling the night streets of manhattan. it's cute how the cop called his horse a babe magnet. but seriously, i wish we have this in singapore. we are soooo un-animal friendly. tsk tsk.

mee wants a pet. f4. it doesn't help that my next door neighbor recently got a lovely golden retriever puppy. super kawaii~! ><

oh wells. i lubs crunchyroll. watched {steps} recently. finished all 20 episodes of it within 2 days. very nice show. go watch it if you're free. ^^ i'm starting to like bernice liu. haha. {steps} got me tempted to try latin & ballroom dancing. maybe i should hurry up and sign up for lessons before the temptation starts to fade.

lalala~ anyone watched {on the first beat} already? it's the sequel to {the academy}. i've just started watching it and i'm deciding whether or not to continue, cos it looks boring. hahas.

maple is monotonous. so is audi. i want shopping & pubbing. but i need a job first. i'm broke. hais.

first time.

i went swimming just now, alone, for the first time. laugh all you want, but yeah, it's the first time. i used to always want someone to pei me. no matter what i do, where i go, i sort of want someone there. maybe all along i was just trying to reassure myself that there would be someone there for me no matter what.

for some reason, i felt funny today. maybe it's what happened recently. maybe it's those phone calls about tml. i dunno. i think it's time to stop depending on others. i should stand on my own feet for a change. after all, you won't know what lies ahead unless you take the first step. it may be bad, but it may be good too. i thought i'd feel apprehensive swimming alone, but i actually loved it. i'm a lone ranger after all. =P

speaking of tml, i'm having mixed feelings. i should be nervous. or not? hais. i've been through it a couple of times. i have 'experience' wad. but i guess this time it's a little different from before. argh! wish me luck. (everyone DUN ask me what it is. D-U-N ask.)

oh wells. i sure hope straightening out my thinking is a good thing.

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky
and i'll make a wish, take a chance
make a change, and breakaway
out of the darkness and into the sun
but i won't forget all the ones that i love
i'll take a risk, take a chance
make a change, and breakaway

first time.

i went swimming just now, alone, for the first time. laugh all you want, but yeah, it's the first time. i used to always want someone to pei me. no matter what i do, where i go, i sort of want someone there. maybe all along i was just trying to reassure myself that there would be someone there for me no matter what.

for some reason, i felt funny today. maybe it's what happened recently. maybe it's those phone calls about tml. i dunno. i think it's time to stop depending on others. i should stand on my own feet for a change. after all, you won't know what lies ahead unless you take the first step. it may be bad, but it may be good too. i thought i'd feel apprehensive swimming alone, but i actually loved it. i'm a lone ranger after all. =P

speaking of tml, i'm having mixed feelings. i should be nervous. or not? hais. i've been through it a couple of times. i have 'experience' wad. but i guess this time it's a little different from before. argh! wish me luck. (everyone DUN ask me what it is. D-U-N ask.)

oh wells. i sure hope straightening out my thinking is a good thing.

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly
i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky
and i'll make a wish, take a chance
make a change, and breakaway
out of the darkness and into the sun
but i won't forget all the ones that i love
i'll take a risk, take a chance
make a change, and breakaway

what is true love?

life is about finding the process of love.
each person needs to find 4 people in his life.
one, yourself.
two, the one you love most.
three, the one who loves you most.
four, the one to spend your life with.

first, you will meet the one you love most, and experience being in love.
when you understand what it feels like to be in love,
you will find the one who loves you most.
after being loved and in love, you will understand love.
thus, you will know what you want,
as well as the find the most suitable one to spend your life with.

unfortunately, in reality, these three people are often not the same one.
the one you love most, does not choose you;
the one who loves you most, is not the one you love most;
and the one whom you will spend your life with,
is not the one you love most nor the one who loves you most.
it's only because he's at the right place, at the right time.

which person will you be in others' lives?

nobody will intentionally have a change of heart.
when he loves you, he means it. when he doesn't, he means it too.
when he loves you, he cannot pretend he doesn't.
similarly, when he doesn't love you, he cannot pretend he still does.

if someday he wants to leave you, ask yourself if you still love him.
if you don't, don't force yourselves to be together because of pride. it's pathetic.
if you do, you will want him to live happily, with the one he loves most.
if you stop him from finding true love, it means you don't love him anymore.
and if you don't, why accuse him of having a change of heart?

love is not possession.
you may love the moon, but you cannot pluck it down and keep it,
but the moonlight can still shine in through the window.
in other words, if you love someone, you can love him in another way.
let him be a memory you'll never forget in this life.

when you truly love someone, you need to accept his strengths and weaknesses,
and not make him change to become the person you want him to be.

there is no reason for true love. all you know is :
no matter when and where, however your mood may be,
you only want him to be by your side.
true love is about weathering storms together.
after all, love is about taking and giving.

separation is a form of test;
if your relationship is not stable enough, you cannot deny you've lost.
true love will not turn to hate.

i have met the second and third, you? how many have you found?
amongst so many people, who have you met?

p/s. this piece of advice have followed me over the years. it's originally in chinese, but i translated it over. pardon me for any mistakes. the chinese version is much more meaningful, and there's a last verse which i hadn't translated cos it's hard to. anyway, hope this makes as much sense to you guys as it does to me. hope it helps! =))

i'm suddenly reminded of emilia's big big world.

still sick.

sobs. why am i still feeling sick? why am i still having those throbbing headaches? that churning stomach? and where has my appetite gone? i've been eating plain porridge for lunch and dinner for the past 2 days. apparently it's the only thing that stays in. even my fav baked salmon came out. hais. why am i the only one in the family that got food poisoning when all of us ate the same bloody food!? f4.

i even have bouts of dizziness from just walking over to ahma's house to eat. no choice but to turn down appointments this week. i don't wanna faint on the streets. hais. i sure hope that bloody job waits for me.

ahh i feel like dying. someone save me. ><

still sick.

sobs. why am i still feeling sick? why am i still having those throbbing headaches? that churning stomach? and where has my appetite gone? i've been eating plain porridge for lunch and dinner for the past 2 days. apparently it's the only thing that stays in. even my fav baked salmon came out. hais. why am i the only one in the family that got food poisoning when all of us ate the same bloody food!? f4.

i even have bouts of dizziness from just walking over to ahma's house to eat. no choice but to turn down appointments this week. i don't wanna faint on the streets. hais. i sure hope that bloody job waits for me.

ahh i feel like dying. someone save me. ><