sometimes i feel that i'm the kind of people who takes ages to come to a decision, shuffling to and fro from the alternatives. but once i reach a decision, nothing's gonna change it. i always wonder why after making a decision, i still ask others for opinions. do i really need more alternatives, or am i just finding more reasons to reassure myself that my decision is right? do i want to hear others' honest opinions, or do i just want them to say what i want to hear?
why do i have to be so stubborn? i know my decisions are often not the best, and i'm simply being my usual willful self, but i can't seem to bring myself to change. perhaps subconsciously, i don't want to change because i'm happy this way. i know this is one of the reasons why i never seem to grow up, but then again, maybe i don't want to grow up at all.
i really don't wanna step into the working environment where everyone's just wearing a mask to hide who they really are inside. i hate pretend smiles and fake kindness. i dislike sucking up to people. i don't like acting friendly with people i detest.
i just wanna be who i am. i just wanna do something i enjoy. i dun wanna force myself to go to work every single day, and then start to countdown to 6pm the minute i step in. which is why, i think, i really really really need the zoo/night safari job. i cannot imagine what else i'm willing to do for the rest of my life.
i'm not going for the interview tomorrow (later). even if i go and get the job, i'm not gonna work there anyway. i don't like it. i don't like her. yes, i'm being unreasonable. willful. whatever. but yes. that's who i am. don't ask me why. i don't know.
i just don't want to. full stop. end of story.
if you're thinking you don't seem to know me anymore, or that i don't seem to be that blur sotong innocent meeshell you used to know, congratulations. you and i have just understood me a little bit more.
there's more to come. i'm discovering more and more about myself everyday. it's scary. but it's after all, me and myself. i am who i am inside. not everyone will like it. but i just need one person to tell me that it's okay to be myself, and that is enough.
why do i have to be so stubborn? i know my decisions are often not the best, and i'm simply being my usual willful self, but i can't seem to bring myself to change. perhaps subconsciously, i don't want to change because i'm happy this way. i know this is one of the reasons why i never seem to grow up, but then again, maybe i don't want to grow up at all.
i really don't wanna step into the working environment where everyone's just wearing a mask to hide who they really are inside. i hate pretend smiles and fake kindness. i dislike sucking up to people. i don't like acting friendly with people i detest.
i just wanna be who i am. i just wanna do something i enjoy. i dun wanna force myself to go to work every single day, and then start to countdown to 6pm the minute i step in. which is why, i think, i really really really need the zoo/night safari job. i cannot imagine what else i'm willing to do for the rest of my life.
i'm not going for the interview tomorrow (later). even if i go and get the job, i'm not gonna work there anyway. i don't like it. i don't like her. yes, i'm being unreasonable. willful. whatever. but yes. that's who i am. don't ask me why. i don't know.
i just don't want to. full stop. end of story.
if you're thinking you don't seem to know me anymore, or that i don't seem to be that blur sotong innocent meeshell you used to know, congratulations. you and i have just understood me a little bit more.
there's more to come. i'm discovering more and more about myself everyday. it's scary. but it's after all, me and myself. i am who i am inside. not everyone will like it. but i just need one person to tell me that it's okay to be myself, and that is enough.
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