stressed.

having parents like mine sure sucks to the core.

go out with aunts, complain.
go out with friends, complain.
stay out too late, complain.
hang out with friends at home, complain.
don't go out, complain.
talk on phone, complain.
sms, complain.
chat online, complain.
no job, complain.
got job, complain.
do this complain, do that complain.

my my. life's interesting eh? tell me what i CAN do. does anyone understand how much i envy those who have the freedom to befriend people and go out with their friends without having to endure constant naggings or fill up an 'application form' each time i do? does anyone understand how embarrassing i find it to tell people i have to be home by 12am? does anyone understand how much i wish to be out there living life, enjoying myself, learning new stuff, instead of being so-called 'protected' at home? does anyone understand how much i hate to be their puppet?

dad said once, "either you're 21, or you get married." 10 more months. or rather, 303 days and 23 hours to be exact. i need to break free before i go mad. =[

p/s. it's 12. HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY SASA~! ^_^

i am legend

400th post!! i think i shouldn't be blogging now. not in this state of mind. lol.

had an interview this morning. it lasted for a whopping 2 hrs 15 mins! talked alot, listened alot, did some tests, and yessss..mee got the job. it stated admin assistant, and i thought it was general admin work. but then i found out it was admin for patent, first filing. cheem eh? lol. job scope sounds pretty interesting, but since i have zero experience in IP law, the pay sucks. >.>

met sasa (finally) for dinner. I MISS HER! ^_^ thx sa for earrings, and i hope you like the prezzie too. glad to see everything's going well for you, and you made me sooo tempted to move to aus. zzz. but anyways, since you still have a month before you go back aus, make sure we meet up again k? muacks sasa!!

met gary and friends for i am legend. i felt so bad to 'dump' sa. why did she have to have seen that movie already?! and why does everyone i know seem to have watched it already? neverminds sa, next time i'll leave one whole day for you. LOL!

from the comments some people gave me about the show, i was very looking forward to watching it. sad to say, i didn't realize it was a horror movie. =.= i think it's one of the few times i actually dared to watch horror flicks at the cinema. i don't even watch them at home. haish. i feel cheated. i bet wendy feels the same. =X storyline was rather interesting though, and pretty realistic. poor sammy. f4.

after that went to harry's. i feel bad for dragging matthew & wendy along. =( first time i tried long island at harry's. wah really bth sia, 3/4 glass nia giddy le. tsk. but there's no coke taste at all, so i suppose that's the original version? haha. i shall practise raising my alcohol level with harry's long island.

i think i was a little 失常 later on. alcohol-effect ba. i hope i wasn't sprouting nonsense. i didn't, did i? i don't think i'm thaaat bad right? lol.

i should be meeting zhou gong anytime soon. xD

back to sq 1

after all that we've said and done, i can't believe i'm actually back to square 1!? i thought it finally ended when you said you wanted a breakup. i guess not. why are you still referring to me as your gf? i don't want to be! i hate meeting all your friends. why do i have to meet their expectations as well? why do i have to be scrutinized and commented on by them? i want to please myself, i -have- to please you, and now i -have- to please them too? oh wtf!! zzZz.

I AM NOT YOUR BLOODY GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE! why do i have to be pressured by it? why are you expecting me to do what a gf does, when i'm not one anymore? this thing has been dragging on for so long; you're not the only one miserable. i really don't know what to say anymore. sometimes i really hate you lar. dammit!

merry x'mas~!

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!!!!
(though it's already past 12.)

woke up at a whopping 12.30pm this afternoon. ALL of us. lol. went over to auntie's place. her new condo. bloody nice and big lor. got basement somemore. and they have no children, only biscuit. lucky dog lor. hahas.

anyways, i just sat there and stoned the whole afternoon away. tsk. supposed to meet gary at 6.45, but i think it was nearly 7.30 when i reached. paiseh!

chilled at a pub with him and a couple of his friends. another one with dogs de. *jealous* the pub was one along orchard road. bloody lot of people. but the blue lights were nice. wasted didn't take pics. the long island was heavenly as compared to the one in genting. lols.

after that tagged along to bugis to watch the SIA guys jam/record. finally saw him play drums. not bad ah, quite 帅 de wor. LOL. my first time at a record studio (suaku), and i guess it was pretty much 大开眼界 lor.

reached home almost 12.30am sia. break record le. lucky no tio. =X

-- -- -- -- --

go back abit. went for interview on monday morning. was kinda hoping to get that job, but i suppose there's no hope for it now. i hate it when they ask, "what do you think are your strengths?" i always have nothing to say. haiz.

aunt's birthday that night. kfc + red wine. ^_^ i think i need to cut down on alcohol. mum said too much chivas is gonna murder my liver. but...... *dreams* when will dad finally open that bottle of vodka raspberry? LOL!

oh wells. should i risk my maggi mee now?? tsk.

alvin & the chipmunks

had a rather interesting conversation last night.

him : ehh u ok mar? heard from XXX u recently nt happy ar?
me : eh? okies la. y leh?
him : concern for u can?! -.- cos i read ur blog machiam beri hapi lydat. so i wondering y XXX lydat say lor.
me : v happy meh? oO

hmmm. well, hello?!?! i'm not exactly one of those lucky girls who get everything they want in life. i have my sad times and unhappy moments, and i get emo and lonely as well. but i guess it's just not me to show it to the world. or maybe i'm just too used to taking everything on myself. not that i don't want to share; i see no point in making someone else unhappy as well, especially if they have their own problems to fret about. so...yeah. to those that i share my problems with: hope you don't find me a bother. to those who see me happy: continue thinking that way. to those who sense that i'm not happy but yet i don't tell you why: back off, i'll come back to you when i'm happy again. =]

on a lighter note, met up with yong he today. this morning in fact. it's been quite a long time since i've woken up early enough for breakfast. lol. and 90 minutes later, we had lunch. xD

p/s. yong he if you're reading this, better not make it a point to meet once every few years hor. sms oso bo. tsk. last time army got excuse, now no more hor. lol.

anyway, we went to watch alvin and the chipmunks. at first i thought it wasn't a very nice show when i read the reviews. after the show, i agree with them that the storyline is plain lame. but the chipmunks made up for it. so overall, it's a must-watch. theodore (the green fat one) is super duper kawaii!! when they sing and dance, you just wanna scoop them all up and bring them home to kiss and cuddle. lol!

also watched a couple of new movie trailers. both chronicles of narnia: prince caspian and horton hears a who! come out next year and i wanna watch! someone please remember to jio me then. lol.

free games for you~

bored & nothing to do? try these out -

gaia online - it's a simple web game where you browse around, earning gold through games, buy clothes to 'cuten' your avatar, etc. you get random items from quests and events. currently there's this christmas caroling and orphan-helping event going on. pretty time occupying if you're bored like me. ^_^

random screenshots :

my avatar! >

hopdance / 热舞街 - pretty much the same as auditionsea, except that you can play this on the web browser instead of having to download anything. graphics, dance moves and the user interface suck. only the songs are nice, from super slow to super fast. hehe. everything is in chinese, although you can switch to the english version. but still, you can't type anything in english, which is sad. this is best for people who want to try out auditionsea but don't wanna download such a big file first, cos you can play as a guest on hopdance. lol.

screenshots :

go on, try them out! they're fun. lol.

tango wing social night

it was finally over. THE NIGHT. the night that me and cher had been 'fretting' over for the past few days. we couldn't decide what to wear; not too formal, not too casual. tsk. we turned up as dates for bonson and his friend for their dunno-what dinner. thanks bonson's parents for driving us to the OCS camp. by the way, their camp looked quite like our polytechnics. didn't look as jialat as they make it out to be. lol.

anyway, really nice to see bonson again. 4 years eh? =] he changed so much. 大帅哥了wor. hehe. i agree with cher: he was much funnier back then. but then, it was still fun with him. my date for the night was bon's buddy, joey. it was a little weird at first, since everyone brought their girlfriends and i think i was the only one who met my date for the first time. lol. was surprised to meet paul too. he said rui & yang were coming as well, and i was kinda looking forward to seeing them again, but i guess they didn't turn up. haha.

ate (chocolate fondue), drank, was entertained; abit boring actually. hahas. saw the video on life in camp. like very interesting leh, especially the live firing. maybe it would be fun to go try it out for a couple of days. XD that common slogan about how the army turns you from a boy into a man, or something like that. i think it's true, judging by what the army boys have to go through. haha. i guess i'm gonna have to respect them a teeny weeny bit more now.

the night ended with some games and the much-awaited lucky draw. i think everyone was aiming for the first & second prize - psp and ipod nano respectively. a mystery gift of nintendo ds lite was also included. committee rich sia. lol. there was also best dressed male and female, both of which i didn't think should win. i thought bonson should, cos he wasn't wearing the usual formal shirt and pants that practically everyone wore. the female one was worse; just a tube top and jeans. like what cher said, the prize should have been 'most revealing female' instead. oO

oh wells. thanks joey for sending me home, and for the dinner too, since i was supposed to be his date. haha. he seemed even quieter than me. but throughout the night and especially in the car, we managed to talk alot and i found him VERY gentlemanly. not bad of a first impression. lols.

overall, had fun tonight. ^^

back home

i'm back, at last. was up in genting with family. quite boring actually. lols.

16th - bloody driver drove so freaking fast but still reached at 5am. waited outside casino for them to settle their card stuff. then sat at starbucks for 2 hours cos we had nothing to do. lol. it's at times like this that i wished i bought a psp.

went gaming and played pool. sho boring. went pubbing at night too. dad wanted to watch soccer. i wanted to go to that soccer pub where the atmosphere was not too bad, but the rest opted for a much nearer one. it was so horrible; one of the worst experiences. majority of the people there were soccer fanatics who shouted and boo-ed so often. the rest were ah peks who were busy staring at the legs of the 3 gals singing on stage. zzz. the whole night i felt like i was sitting at a coffeeshop drinking beer and watch those 7th-month getai singers. hais. the cocktails sucked too, quality and quantity. tsk.

< just for laughs!

17th - dad&mum went back, so we spent the day gaming and pooling AGAIN. spent rm160 just on racing cars, shooting bad guys, throwing darts, remembering stupid flinstones, and picking toys. but nevertheless, besides the fun part, i came back with these again. hehe. pool was better, even though our accuracies went horribly off with those constant bouts of laughter.

went to watch this performance - Fly. it's a combination of magic tricks and acrobats. the storyline totally sucked. seriously. the acrobats, although impressive to most, pales in comparison to those i've seen in beijing. i was yawning throughout the whole show. the only thing i find amazing is how those dancers manage to dance and run on freaking high heels. my aunt, who has already watched it once, also told me the masked good guy was a handsome angmoh, in which i was utterly disappointed at the end of the show. tsk tsk. but the evil queen was pretty. and she wore very little. hehehehe~ overall - not worth the ticket price (but we got it for free ^^).

went back room and watched movie instead.

18th - departed at 12, reached at 7. i'm beat. XD

p/s. mee cut my hair. feels nice, but looks ugly. sad.

dinner with the gals

"it's 11.59, not yet 12am, SO I AM NOT LATE!!!!" i shrieked as soon as i got on dad's car. he just giggled. o_O oh wells. haha.

just a little bit unpleasant before i met the gals. "where are you going? go for what? who are you going with? what time are you going? what time are you coming back? don't wear this, don't wear that. don't do this, don't do that." my my. this practically sums up why i dislike going out. and if that isn't enough, please don't come and tell me, "but you're already 20 leh!" when i say i have to be home by 12. 我够可怜了! zzZz.

neverminds, meeting the gals made up for it. had planned to go pasta de waraku at marina. but on the way there, we spotted this new jap pasta restaurant Shokudo at city link. since it's nearer (duh), we ate there instead. cher and zhu didn't look that satisfied with theirs, but i enjoyed mine. hehes. carbonara ftw! the vanilla green tea float was lovely, though the mango dessert was a little disappointing. imported blessed ice! rofl.

wanted to go harry's after that, but as we passed by chocz, cher wanted fondue. so yep, back at max brenner. besides the fondue, we also got ice cocktail. yums!

dunno why, but i just lubs meeting them la. most of our meetings are full of laughter, and i'm hardly able to talk to anyone else the way i talk to them. maybe it's the 7 years of close friendship, or maybe we just click. but whatever, muackies both of them! ^_^ oh yeah, thanks for the.....advice. maybe i really don't know how to say NO, otherwise i won't be stuck like this. hehe. oh wells. jiayou zhu at work, cya cher on wed. =]

random post #652075

ugly? very. cos mee made it myself. hahas. the only thing i like about it is the red curly tail. :lol:

went shopping this afternoon. spent alot, and i haven't even finished buying everything that i need. >< boyfriend bought me shades too. not exactly shades. not exactly the ones i wanted. but better than nothing. xie xie ni!

listening to 伟联's 火柴天堂. everytime i hear that song, i feel like crying. lol.

end of randomness.

shrimpies : to keep or not to keep

that is the question. haiz. it's been ages since i last kept shrimps and i've been itching to go back into this hobby. especially after browsing through AF forums and seeing those planted masterpieces. argh! i went into a planning frenzy this afternoon and even allocated the place for a shelf to put the tanks. but since i sold practically everything when i moved, the whole setup would set me back by around $100, provided i can get good lobangs for the stuffs i need. not to mention the wirings and all. and most importantly, how to persuade my parents. i really miss my room last time. two 2ft tanks, one 1ft tank, and 2 bettas. i could spend hours just staring at them. =[

ace of pentacles speaks of the initial passion, feelings, thoughts and needs that can be directed into something more. they represent hope, a possibility, the beginning of happiness/pleasure, and an action to take. does it mean i should go ahead with my plan? >.<

rain rain go away~~~

the end.

i woke up this morning and saw gray clouds hovering above. snoozed a little, and woke up again to find little kittens and puppies. raining cats and dogs i mean. -.- bye bye zoo outing.

as i lay on my bed staring at the clock, i wondered why time passes so fast when you're dreading it. do i not want to see him, or do i not want to go out? maybe i do wanna make him hate me. maybe it's just best for him if he does. i don't know. *confused* haiz. why do things have to end up this way? 合则聚, 不合则散. 潇洒一点不行吗? why make things so hard for everyone? if only i could be devoid of all feelings. 如果时间可以倒流, 我宁可从来都没有认识过你.

was that considered a battle of ideas? if so, then the tarot has been right yet again. should i have endured everything and kept mum about how i felt? or done what i've done - speak out my mind? what have i learnt from this? what CAN i learn from this?

i just drew the king of pentacles, when i asked, 'what should i do now?'. this card indicates that i have decided to take command and overthrow the old with my new ideas. is it true? that i've finally mustered enough courage to put an end to all these shit? ><

6 days left to genting. those days up there will more than likely be heaven as compared to being here. and i'm missing all my gals sooo much. =(

shopping~

one whole day nearly wasted. woke up at 12 and left at 2.30. went ah gong's house sit sit awhile, den me and mum went northpoint shopping. if you've been there, you'd know how bloody small that shopping centre is. saw alot of shades, but they look weird on me. maybe i'm not meant for them. finally bought my jeans too. lubs them. hahas. also got a couple of tees from an aunt. 今天收获不错! ^^

joined the rest for dinner. super not nice. lucky i ate before that. =X

tarot time! card of the day : what will happen to me tomorrow? five of swords. i'm most likely gonna have an argument or battle of ideas, and the best thing i should do is NOT ARGUE. but if that is not possible and i have to somehow rebuke, i need to be prepared to learn from it. hmmm. sounds scary, but i have a feeling it's gonna happen. =(

i'm liking wordpress more & more. i guess the lack of html codings to frust about allows me more time and energy to concentrate on my entries instead. everyone, switch to WP~!

wordpress!

hahas. moved over from blogger to wordpress because i've just discovered its magic of password-protected individual entries instead of the whole blog. so mee can now blog freely and choose which posts to lock or make public. yayness.

wordpress is a little less user-friendly than blogger, and i had to do some trial-and-error before i managed to successfully import all my posts from blogger. and as everyone can see, wordpress themes are ugly and boring. i even gotta pay to edit my css! -_- no more nice nice fonts and blogskins. awwww~

since the last 3 posts are protected, i'll do a little update on this boring life of mine. mee went for an interview yesterday. bloody inconvenient place, which explains the knight of pentacles. let's just say, it's good if i get the job, but it may not be a bad thing to not get this job.

as you can see from the titles, i'm currently hooked on tarot cards. i like using them to show a little hint and guidance on the decisions i have to make. i shall be blogging alot, and i mean ALOT, on my tarot readings in time to come. hehex. maybe it'll attract more people to study tarots and spread the wonderful art of tarot-reading. ^^

p/s. for those who don't know (i think its everyone), i've been interested in tarots ever since that OCOMM project in year 1. the major arcana, minor arcana, celtic cross stuff seemed bloody interesting at that time. but it was only until recently did i buy my first deck of tarot cards. although they say, it's always best to receive your first deck as a gift......ah who cares?

i drew another card just now - The Moon. it says that i'm going through a time of emotional and mental trial. i should and can trust my instincts to solve it, instead of getting drunk or wallowing in depression. that is like so true can?! so i've decided to heed that advice and turned down a pubbing date today. see, i'm a good gurl!

oh wells. NOT looking forward to birthday dinner tml, and SUPER looking forward to genting in 8 days. yippee!

lastly, got this from boyfriend yesterday. cutes. =]

knight of pentacles

sians. i postponed the interview to tml cos it was raining this morning and i didn't want to take any risks. true enough, its still raining heavily now. please pray that it doesn't rain tml. i hate going out when its raining. even more so when i have to walk out in the open. i drew the knight of pentacles yesterday when i asked about the interview. it says i have to travel on foot, aka walking distances. that explains the fact that the company is a whopping 15mins walk away from raffles mrt. the knight of pentacles also represents accepting of responsibilities and the coming of a matter. does it mean i'll get the job? =Pwas talking to yingg about tarots this afternoon. i tried to draw a card for her about the releasing of her results tml. i got the four of cups, which means a stagnant relationship. it may not have anything to do with her results, but she says its kinda true otherwise. >_<

oh wells. what else? a/w-ed a metus today. 42m mesos gone. but like they say, mesos are meant to be spent. i don't get interest from keeping them in the bank do i? hehex. i wish i could say the same for real $. i darn need a salary. i can't keep spending money from my bank and not putting any in. sads. ah gong called me in the middle of the night to speak about the same topic. 30 whole minutes of nagging. i'm stressed enough. i don't need that extra stress. period.

hais. super NOT looking forward to (paternal) ah gong's bdae dinner this sat. it's only a birthday for god's sake. not even a 21st bdae or wad, just a normal bdae leh! so kua zhang. i really can't stand it when he doesn't care about anyone else's bdae and yet expect everyone to make a big fuss out of his. what a waste of my time!

alrights. gonna audi and maple and pray that tml's interview goes smoothly. tata~

the hermit

after he called me last night and said a whole lot of stuff (as usual), i was feeling really really confused. i didn't know if i should continue to bear with it until he goes back, or tell him the truth and settle it once and for all. so i consulted my tarot cards.i felt an exhilarating rush of emotions as i was shuffling the cards, repeatedly asking them "what should i do?" tears were threatening to spill as i picked my card. however, the moment i turned it over and saw what it was, i felt calmer. it was the hermit. this card represents a time and a need to be left alone. to think, to decide. and more than often, after this period of solitude, the decisions made will be the right ones.

to those that truly believe in the power of tarots, i was no different. i asked him for some time, to carefully consider our options. does he really want to possess me in the name of love, or should he let me go so that i'll be happier? our talk ended up with the usual conclusion "let's talk about something else." sighx.

but this afternoon, he told me "maybe we should take some time to cool down." again, a wave of emotions swept over me. not from him, but from the fact that the tarot has been spot on. although i'm already a believer of tarots, i think this incident has made me more convinced that the tarot is the one that can help me in my life, as long as i channel my full energy into it. it has also given me greater confidence on my path to becoming a tarot reader. thank you my tarots!

last but not least, job interview tml. the place is f***king far from mrt station, so i'll have to cab there. let's hope i get both the job, and a cheaper alternative. =]

six of wands

why are we always quarrelling? i'm honestly sick of everything; tired of pretending to enjoy myself and love him while telling myself to just bear with it. he says he's trying to be the best bf i ever had. but to tell the truth, he was the worst one without even trying. i told him we were incompatible, but he says he's willing to change. how can i make him understand that, no matter how he changes, we're just not meant to be. we are from two different worlds and it was a total mistake for us to be together in the first place. my feelings for him were already starting to fade even before the sms incident. in fact, i was rather glad to use that incident for a breakup.the guilt from him having to come down here to work, was the only reason why i didn't totally ignore him. i really regretted it. i wish i had stood firmly instead of succumbing to his cries and pleas. but what's wrong with wanting peace in my life? i hate myself for being so soft-hearted, and him for refusing to let me off. he says he loves me. if loving someone means not letting him/her be happy, i can jolly well say i love him too.

ever since we patched, i've been thinking more and more of N and Y. especially Y. as i flip through the pages that contain bittersweet memoriies of me and him, i feel sad yet happy. sad because we ended up this way, and happy because there are still memoriies to cheer me up. they never fail to make me smile whenever i'm sad. his bits and pieces have integrated into my life, resulting in practically every little thing reminding me of Y. i miss Y so much, even more whenever i'm unhappy. i wish i could turn back time, though i know its not possible anymore.

i wonder how to get over this. on one hand, i wish to just tell him the truth: that i really really didn't want to be with him at all. but on the other hand, guilt. sighx. i wish my tarots can show me the way.

on a lighter note, went shopping yesterday! got a lovely black sexy dress and a pair of white flats. lalala~ dad also got me my phone, but i gotta wait at least 2 weeks for it. it's actually a free gift from some prudential investment thingy which dad signed up just to get my phone for me. hahx. looking forward to genting trip 2 weeks later. all 8 of us are going. i hope it's gonna be fun. =]

2nd day of 'a tarot card a day'. i'm really interested and fascinated by this deck of 78 cards. i'm wishing i could just cram all the information about it into my head. but i guess i will need more experience to improve. wish me luck!

lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHU~!

random-ness

x_x

[ mickey & minnie ]


[ blurry lights @ clarke quay ]


[ singapore sling; don't like ]


[ n_n ]

i shall alternate between harry's and the deck from now on. lol.