the end.

i woke up this morning and saw gray clouds hovering above. snoozed a little, and woke up again to find little kittens and puppies. raining cats and dogs i mean. -.- bye bye zoo outing.

as i lay on my bed staring at the clock, i wondered why time passes so fast when you're dreading it. do i not want to see him, or do i not want to go out? maybe i do wanna make him hate me. maybe it's just best for him if he does. i don't know. *confused* haiz. why do things have to end up this way? 合则聚, 不合则散. 潇洒一点不行吗? why make things so hard for everyone? if only i could be devoid of all feelings. 如果时间可以倒流, 我宁可从来都没有认识过你.

was that considered a battle of ideas? if so, then the tarot has been right yet again. should i have endured everything and kept mum about how i felt? or done what i've done - speak out my mind? what have i learnt from this? what CAN i learn from this?

i just drew the king of pentacles, when i asked, 'what should i do now?'. this card indicates that i have decided to take command and overthrow the old with my new ideas. is it true? that i've finally mustered enough courage to put an end to all these shit? ><

6 days left to genting. those days up there will more than likely be heaven as compared to being here. and i'm missing all my gals sooo much. =(