我会学着放弃你

i think i look like a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

because that guy at the cafe knew what i wanted before i even opened my mouth. and no, i do not eat there everyday. only when esther isn't around. i wish she was around more often, considering i blasted 8 bucks for lunch when it could feed me 4 lunches if she was here. =x

start of a bad day.

somehow i managed to walk straight into a metal slope, successfully breaking my big toe. hur hur. just joking. but it did hurt, for a while! lol. 

i should stop mapling. had planned to game till 1.30am every night to maximize my slot, but have already cut down by an hour. (what a waste!) why do i still keep yawning? ._.

not sleeping well. i'm probably still bothered by it. not just me, them too. the atmosphere was just so weird. i can feel it. i know there's nothing i can do 'cept grin and bear it, but i guess i needed some sort of reassurance from someone standing on my side, i think. i hope. thanks....buddy.

what's that i see? insecurities? ha-ha-ha. sometimes when i sit back and think, what happened to that girl back in school? what happened to that girl to used to walk in the middle of the group, rather than behind the group now? what happened to that girl who didn't bother how others see her? what happened to that girl who tried to be friends with everyone?

if innocence and naiveness could bring me happiness, i'd rather not learn the hard facts.

"not everyone who shits on you is an enemy.

not everyone who gets you out of shit is a friend."

hur hur. 真真假假, 假假真真. how do i tell? you trust this person with your secrets; he uses it against you. you trust this person to stick up for you; he chides you instead. you trust this person to understand you; unfortunately she doesn't.

i hate to admit this, but sometimes, i do feel small and lonely. i'm not alone though; i have people around me. friends. well, friends, who talk to me, joke with me, go out with me and et cetera. but who can i trust really? i don't want to doubt people, because i know it's not a nice feeling, but how do i know who are the ones that won't hurt me anymore?

don't mind me. this is just one of the times i get sick and tired of having to guess who's really there to support me and who's just waiting to see me fall.

*jokes* that's why it's always best to work with animals. they don't scheme or plot against you. hur hur. one step at a time now, girl. :)

new york new york!! *drools*

even if it isn't, tell me that cookie was real.