Friday, July 20, 2012

so in the end...

it was already typed, dated, printed, folded, and all ready to be submitted. but yet i didn't hand it in. had conversations with SSD and my parents and some of my friends. they had supported my decision because they want me to be happy. and i'm thankful for that.

i dread every weekday morning. i see no future here. and i don't fancy doing boring repetitive useless stuff.

but yet i cannot bring myself to 'leave boss in the lurch'. i cannot bring myself to quit without a backup plan. i cannot bring myself to feel as useless as sitting around at home (unless i'm rightfully a housewife ahem) waiting for a job to drop by. i cannot not feel bad about not giving my parents monthly allowance. i cannot not worry about the future if i really cannot find a job i'm interested in. i cannot help feeling incompetent and i super duper hate this feeling! >_<

told boss about my intention and apparently, he thinks i'm good enough to allow me to take half a year's leave to settle whatever problem i have and then come back to work for him. but that's bullshit. if they can survive half a year without me, they can survive without me. nevertheless, i seem to have gotten myself stuck in a neither-here-nor-there situation i don't know how to get out of.

dear me, please let me get through this. =( 

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